Bread Is Dangerous

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In
   the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
   average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates
   were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases
   such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread
   is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as
   little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
   average North American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive
   tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer,
   Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread
   has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given
   only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread
   is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such
   as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread
   has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90
   percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body
   being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a
   soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.