Saturday, 25 July 2009

50 things that only happen in the movies

50 Things That Only Ever Happen in the Movies PDF Print



Like most people, I love movies.  But let’s face it, most films exist in a crazy and bizarre alternative reality created by Hollywood.  Here are my 50 things that regularly happen in the movie world, but hardly ever happen in the world you and I live in.

 

1.  You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.  Then you’re in trouble

 

2.  The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris

 

3.  Computer passwords are easy to crack - they are always the third thing you think of

 

4.  When the hero and baddie finally meet, both guns are immediately lost and they’ll take it in turns to punch each other

 

5.  All beds have special L-shaped sheets which reach to armpit level on women but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her

 

6.  When listening back to answer phone messages, people will casually wander into the kitchen for the first two short messages, but run to the answer phone for the third call (mother/killer/dead friend etc)

 

7.  When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish

 

8.  People deal with stressful, life threatening situations by making quick witted quips

 

9.  No-one, but no-one uses Microsoft Windows – everyone uses unique operating systems.  All of these computer systems, however mundane, are full of animated graphics and enormous download bars in the middle of the screen

 

10.  When paying for a taxi, you don’t need to look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare

 

11.  The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected

 

12.  It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” in telephone conversations.  Also, if you’ve been disconnected it’s always worth frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly

 

13.  If our hero gets into a fight, he will invariable end up with a small cut in the right corner of his mouth.  He’ll make sure he wipes the blood on the back of his hand, and give it a disapproving look

 

14.  Anyone can land a plane perfectly as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down

 

15.  Sex is always begun in the missionary position and finished with the woman on top

 

16.  Shots fired at people hiding around corners always strike the edge of the building exploding some brickwork near the character’s face

 

17.  On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees have been perched precariously on the dashboard

 

18.  Being an aging detective and drinking whiskey alone in a bar makes you irresistible to women

 

19.  If a good person dies with their eyes open, a friend will tenderly close them. If a villain dies with his eyes open the camera will linger on his face until just before the actor has to blink

 

20.  Every single sporting event is won by the underdogs with a last second winner

 

21.  All phone numbers, regardless of where they are, have the area code 555

 

22.  When a plane is low on fuel, it helps to tap the fuel gauge – this even works on multi-million pound jet planes

 

23.  Only men are alcoholics. But luckily, any alcoholic can quit drinking instantly when faced with an important challenge. Not only that, the instant he stops drinking, all his faculties return and he won’t suffer any withdrawal

 

24.  Dogs always know who’s bad, and bark at them