Employee Handbook

1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
2. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
3. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
4. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
5. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
6. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
7. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
8. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
9. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
10. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
11. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
12. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
13. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
14. Following the rules will not get the job done.
15. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.